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I want to scream.
I want to be angry and throw things. I want to hysterically cry. I want you to accept that i am bipolar. I want to be happy for once. I want to love. I want to be loved. Most of all, I want to be myself. I don’t want to be what you’ve made me become - what you want me to be. The perfect poster child you want me to become in order for me to be able to come home. I dont want to stay here. I dont want to be alone. I want my old friends. I dont want to go to college here. I dont want to live here. I want my dad to be happy, and i want him to know i love him but i can’t continue to live where he is struggling to support me for the last month. I missed him, i did. But it kills me to know that he is trying so hard but he can’t buy me things like he wants, it hurts to look him in the eyes and know he’s doing the best he can but he knows sometimes it’s just not going to cut it. I don’t want him to have to struggle to feed me. I don’t want him to regret his own life because he can’t fix mine. He is everything to me. My absolute favorite person in the world - he’s done everything he can. But im sick of you telling me he is a dead beat dad. That he could never do anything right because he’s a loser. He is everything to me. I love him so much and i wish i could stay here and know i could be happy. But i cant be. It’s just not fair. And now im crying at 5 o’clock in the morning like a fucking retard. God damn my life sucks.
Tuesday May 15th
